Whimsical

I'm posting on a whim.

I'm sitting in the teacher's room waiting on my next class. I do that a lot actually. Lot's of down time with this job since I basically teach only 3 kinds of lessons per week.

Sounds boring? It usually is. Korea's been interesting but a lot of it (typical for most ESL teachers) is just this. Sitting at my desk surfing the interwebs. Which is probably the thing I hate the most about this country: my job. Yeah, in general it's pretty entertaining to hang out with Korean high school students day-to-day. But it's the same shit, every day, over and over and over again.

HI BRIAN

I LOVE YOU

HANDSOME GUY

HELLO BRIAN

I used to be friendly about it. I used to say "Hello! How are you?" and shit like that. But when you hear these same greetings day in and day out, you get to a point where sometimes you don't even respond.

I suppose this is what celebrities have to deal with.

My job is pretty unsatisfying. I guess it has to do with the fact that roughly half my classes are not interested in being in school, much less learning English. But it's more than that, I guess. I don't think I'm cut out to be an educator. I cannot imagine doing this as some sort of career. Maybe if I taught something that was interesting, like some sort of science class. But then I remember my science classes in high school, especially chemistry with Mr. Hardin and how all he did all day was yell shit like GET TO WORK. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to yell at kids all day. It's tiring.

So I'm approaching the point of not caring. I basically have three to four more months of this job and I'm gone. For my after school class I'm showing the movie Iron Man. I wasn't given any sort of direction on what to teach (this is usually the case), so fuck it. LET'S WATCH IRON MAN KIDS.

Yesterday I got foot inserts. They're custom made to support my feet because apparently my arches collapse as a I walk. It explains a lot, I guess. The doctor took an x-ray of my pelvis last week, and apparently one side is 5 mm lower than the other. Which I guess is the reason my left leg will sometimes go numb (among other back problems).

The foot inserts seem to be working. I'm so fucking relieved. My back is feeling better already and I feel like I could start exercising in a few weeks. It has been literally 2 1/2 years since I've done anything active. I can't wait.

The weather is getting really nice. I feel like, maybe things will get better? Yes, they will, they have to.

These past 8 months (holy shit has it been 8 months?) have been really trying. This has been the hardest thing I've done in my life, which I think is part of the reason I stopped posting. Living in Korea, it's like living in Oz. Or taking acid. Or being stored in a glass jar. It's so fucking weird here sometimes. Actually, weird isn't the adjective. It's not weird anymore, because I'm used to it. It's normal. I'm even starting to automatically emulate little Korean mannerisms. I'll do that little "uhh" or "mmm" thing when I'm responding to someone. Or I'll reflexively nod/bow to older people. Holy shit. I'm becoming Korean.

But I'm not Korean. I get stared at everywhere. And the people who don't stare are usually the braver type who will scream HIII or HELLOOO to me on the street. HI STRANGER. Jesus. I know I'm white and tall and dress funny, but I'm also a person. Can I please feel normal, please? Pretty please? This is what I mean when I say I feel like I live in a glass jar. I'm under all kinds of scrutiny. I feel like the thinking goes: "Look at that waygook. What will he do next??" Like I'm some sort of endangered species. Which makes me feel all sorts of pressure, because I want to set a good example. I know there are plenty of foreigners who act like complete douches in this country. I want to be a counter-example. I also just want to be a good person. But that's hard to do when you're not allowed to feel normal.

Good rant, huh? There will probably be more.