I'm posting on a whim.
I'm sitting in the teacher's room waiting on my next class. I do that a lot actually. Lot's of down time with this job since I basically teach only 3 kinds of lessons per week.
Sounds boring? It usually is. Korea's been interesting but a lot of it (typical for most ESL teachers) is just this. Sitting at my desk surfing the interwebs. Which is probably the thing I hate the most about this country: my job. Yeah, in general it's pretty entertaining to hang out with Korean high school students day-to-day. But it's the same shit, every day, over and over and over again.
HI BRIAN
I LOVE YOU
HANDSOME GUY
HELLO BRIAN
I used to be friendly about it. I used to say "Hello! How are you?" and shit like that. But when you hear these same greetings day in and day out, you get to a point where sometimes you don't even respond.
I suppose this is what celebrities have to deal with.
My job is pretty unsatisfying. I guess it has to do with the fact that roughly half my classes are not interested in being in school, much less learning English. But it's more than that, I guess. I don't think I'm cut out to be an educator. I cannot imagine doing this as some sort of career. Maybe if I taught something that was interesting, like some sort of science class. But then I remember my science classes in high school, especially chemistry with Mr. Hardin and how all he did all day was yell shit like GET TO WORK. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to yell at kids all day. It's tiring.
So I'm approaching the point of not caring. I basically have three to four more months of this job and I'm gone. For my after school class I'm showing the movie Iron Man. I wasn't given any sort of direction on what to teach (this is usually the case), so fuck it. LET'S WATCH IRON MAN KIDS.
Yesterday I got foot inserts. They're custom made to support my feet because apparently my arches collapse as a I walk. It explains a lot, I guess. The doctor took an x-ray of my pelvis last week, and apparently one side is 5 mm lower than the other. Which I guess is the reason my left leg will sometimes go numb (among other back problems).
The foot inserts seem to be working. I'm so fucking relieved. My back is feeling better already and I feel like I could start exercising in a few weeks. It has been literally 2 1/2 years since I've done anything active. I can't wait.
The weather is getting really nice. I feel like, maybe things will get better? Yes, they will, they have to.
These past 8 months (holy shit has it been 8 months?) have been really trying. This has been the hardest thing I've done in my life, which I think is part of the reason I stopped posting. Living in Korea, it's like living in Oz. Or taking acid. Or being stored in a glass jar. It's so fucking weird here sometimes. Actually, weird isn't the adjective. It's not weird anymore, because I'm used to it. It's normal. I'm even starting to automatically emulate little Korean mannerisms. I'll do that little "uhh" or "mmm" thing when I'm responding to someone. Or I'll reflexively nod/bow to older people. Holy shit. I'm becoming Korean.
But I'm not Korean. I get stared at everywhere. And the people who don't stare are usually the braver type who will scream HIII or HELLOOO to me on the street. HI STRANGER. Jesus. I know I'm white and tall and dress funny, but I'm also a person. Can I please feel normal, please? Pretty please? This is what I mean when I say I feel like I live in a glass jar. I'm under all kinds of scrutiny. I feel like the thinking goes: "Look at that waygook. What will he do next??" Like I'm some sort of endangered species. Which makes me feel all sorts of pressure, because I want to set a good example. I know there are plenty of foreigners who act like complete douches in this country. I want to be a counter-example. I also just want to be a good person. But that's hard to do when you're not allowed to feel normal.
Good rant, huh? There will probably be more.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wipe Away That Silicon Dust
What's that? I'm posting again? Yes, yes I am.
So it's been a grand total of 5 months since my last entry, and I don't really have a satisfying reason as to why. I guess, in truth, I just didn't feel like it.
Why? I don't know. I used to write a lot. But it's tapering off, I suppose. That need to say things in this way feels old and worn-out.
Maybe it'll come back. Maybe it won't. Maybe I'm just sick of the same old story.
I think I'll have the motivation to write about some Korean stuff. Let me collect my thoughts.
So it's been a grand total of 5 months since my last entry, and I don't really have a satisfying reason as to why. I guess, in truth, I just didn't feel like it.
Why? I don't know. I used to write a lot. But it's tapering off, I suppose. That need to say things in this way feels old and worn-out.
Maybe it'll come back. Maybe it won't. Maybe I'm just sick of the same old story.
I think I'll have the motivation to write about some Korean stuff. Let me collect my thoughts.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
A Glimpse
Today I realized how important this year-long stay will be.
I was sitting in one of my English teacher discussions. Everyday all the English teachers gather together and talk about well, whatever really. I listen for incorrect English, write it down, then go over it at the end of the session.
Today we were talking about stress. One of my co-teachers was describing how stressed she felt living in England for a month, owed mostly to her unfamiliarity of the culture and her general feelings of alienation. She then asked me whether I felt stressed living here, commenting that I looked stressed when I first got here.
I kind of gave a vague answer because, honestly, when it comes to stress, or any feeling for that matter, it's hard for me to decide what level I'm at (or maybe what level I should be at).
Which then brought me to a broad realization about myself: I am a stressed person. As an introvert I tend to keep my feelings hidden (even from myself), but in that moment it was clear as day: I'm stressed practically all the time now. I suppose it's owed to the fact that I'm in a strange-ass country where nothing is familiar. But I feel like, no, I've been stressed even before this. I've been one giant stress-ball for quite a while.
The last two years have sucked, majorly. I can acknowledge this without too much trouble. Some happy things have come and gone, but, that's just the thing, they're gone. And maybe that's why I'm stressed, I'm worried that things won't get better and that I'll always feel this way.
To get back on point, what I'm trying to say is my trip here in Korea is going to be life-changing important. Being in this country, by myself, with no support from the people I care about or the environment I'm familiar with, this place, this situation, it's an opportunity for me to grow. I know on some fundamental level that, when I fly back to the USA in August 2010, I will a different person. Not in the sense of personality or character, but different in the sense that I'll be more aware. I'll be more aware of what it takes to be happy, what it means to take risks for yourself, what is necessary to get the most out of life. The comfort zones and false securities are nowhere to be seen.
That's basically a lot of vague bullshit but goddamn is it hard to put this into words. All I know is, once I step off the plane and drink in the Bay Area again, it will be like waking up from a long, deep sleep. The perspective will be fresh again.
An-nyeung-hi-gye-se-yo for now.
I was sitting in one of my English teacher discussions. Everyday all the English teachers gather together and talk about well, whatever really. I listen for incorrect English, write it down, then go over it at the end of the session.
Today we were talking about stress. One of my co-teachers was describing how stressed she felt living in England for a month, owed mostly to her unfamiliarity of the culture and her general feelings of alienation. She then asked me whether I felt stressed living here, commenting that I looked stressed when I first got here.
I kind of gave a vague answer because, honestly, when it comes to stress, or any feeling for that matter, it's hard for me to decide what level I'm at (or maybe what level I should be at).
Which then brought me to a broad realization about myself: I am a stressed person. As an introvert I tend to keep my feelings hidden (even from myself), but in that moment it was clear as day: I'm stressed practically all the time now. I suppose it's owed to the fact that I'm in a strange-ass country where nothing is familiar. But I feel like, no, I've been stressed even before this. I've been one giant stress-ball for quite a while.
The last two years have sucked, majorly. I can acknowledge this without too much trouble. Some happy things have come and gone, but, that's just the thing, they're gone. And maybe that's why I'm stressed, I'm worried that things won't get better and that I'll always feel this way.
To get back on point, what I'm trying to say is my trip here in Korea is going to be life-changing important. Being in this country, by myself, with no support from the people I care about or the environment I'm familiar with, this place, this situation, it's an opportunity for me to grow. I know on some fundamental level that, when I fly back to the USA in August 2010, I will a different person. Not in the sense of personality or character, but different in the sense that I'll be more aware. I'll be more aware of what it takes to be happy, what it means to take risks for yourself, what is necessary to get the most out of life. The comfort zones and false securities are nowhere to be seen.
That's basically a lot of vague bullshit but goddamn is it hard to put this into words. All I know is, once I step off the plane and drink in the Bay Area again, it will be like waking up from a long, deep sleep. The perspective will be fresh again.
An-nyeung-hi-gye-se-yo for now.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Just Poastin
Well, there I go again, not updating. In all honesty there are times where I want to write something down but I don't have anything to write with, so the thought disappears.
I suppose this is more of a post promising that no, I'm not dead, and that, yes, I plan to update more. I have some pictures I'd like to share, but right now I'm a bit fried from all the Korean I studied tonight (on an empty stomach) so I'm taking the lazy route and saving it for later.
Speaking of which, I have four Korean classes a week now. Pretty hardcore by foreigner standards. From what I hear not many foreigners here make the effort to learn the language, which is a damn shame, yet understandable, considering English is basically the second language here.
My thoughts are scattered right now so I will be lame and say adieu. Err
An-nyeung-hi-gye-se-yo.
I suppose this is more of a post promising that no, I'm not dead, and that, yes, I plan to update more. I have some pictures I'd like to share, but right now I'm a bit fried from all the Korean I studied tonight (on an empty stomach) so I'm taking the lazy route and saving it for later.
Speaking of which, I have four Korean classes a week now. Pretty hardcore by foreigner standards. From what I hear not many foreigners here make the effort to learn the language, which is a damn shame, yet understandable, considering English is basically the second language here.
My thoughts are scattered right now so I will be lame and say adieu. Err
An-nyeung-hi-gye-se-yo.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
My School
Picture post time!
No smoking? As if.
No student is this happy at any school.
Entrance to the school.
Map of the school.
Track and gym.
The main building.
This...thing? Outside the main entrance.
The main entrance. The sign says "No students" or something to that effect. Students have their own entrance. On the left wall are shoe cubbies; each teacher has one. You can't wear shoes inside the building, so you wear slippers.
A student entrance.
My desk is at the back of the room.
DISCIPRINE! They's in trouble so they gots to write stuff.
I'm not really sure what this is.
View of the city. We're actually on the outskirts.
Some students playing soccer.
Gym.
Way to the cafeteria.
Some benches.
Mechanics workshop.
Moar benches.
Old basketball courts.
A creek nearby.
Way to more buildings. There's a mountain behind the school.
No smoking? As if.
No student is this happy at any school.
Entrance to the school.
Map of the school.
Track and gym.
The main building.
This...thing? Outside the main entrance.
The main entrance. The sign says "No students" or something to that effect. Students have their own entrance. On the left wall are shoe cubbies; each teacher has one. You can't wear shoes inside the building, so you wear slippers.
A student entrance.
My desk is at the back of the room.
DISCIPRINE! They's in trouble so they gots to write stuff.
I'm not really sure what this is.
View of the city. We're actually on the outskirts.
Some students playing soccer.
Gym.
Way to the cafeteria.
Some benches.
Mechanics workshop.
Moar benches.
Old basketball courts.
A creek nearby.
Way to more buildings. There's a mountain behind the school.There's more to the school but these are the main sights. I've explored some of the mountain behind the school and it's pretty awesome. Lots of old stuff to find. I'll probably take some pics of that as well.
An-nyeong-hi-gye-se-yo for now.
An-nyeong-hi-gye-se-yo for now.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Chusok Weekend
Chusok is Korea's Thanksgiving, but more traditional. Because of it everyone got a three day weekend. So my coworker invited me to his cabin in the mountains (near Jinju mountain) and, having no plans, I decided to give it a go.
It was a so-so weekend in a nutshell. The scenery was of course beautiful, lots and lots of green mountains, rice fields, rivers, temples...you can see it all in the pictures I uploaded. We stayed in my coworker's cabin next to the river. Pretty nice place, but extremely uncomfortable as there wasn't any bed. For the past three nights I've been sleeping on a hardwood floor with only some blankets and pillows. If it wasn't for the fact that my coworker likes to drink (and therefore I drink) I'd probably be even more sleep deprived.
I say the weekend was alright because, well, firstly, the sleep issue just put a damper on everything we did. I was tired the whole time because I could never get a full night's rest. That, and my coworker and his wife speak very little English, so half the time was spent trying to figure out what they were saying to me. It got frustrating after a while.
It was a nice gesture inviting me though. I got to see many historic and traditional things. I saw a really old village, apparently one of the oldest in Korea (because the Korean War never really reached so far south it remained intact). I saw some really old traditional schools. And I saw Cheonghak-dong (Azure Crane Village), which contains Samseong-gung (Three Sages Palace), a shrine dedicated to the myth of how Korea was created. This was all in Jirisan National Park.
My coworker is an interesting character; he insisted that I call him "hyung nim," which means "older brother." It's a bit weird, but I guess completely normal for Korea; friends call each other as if they were family. It's still a little off-putting though, because this guy barely knows me. He's taken me out once or twice for drinks, and I mean, it's nice and all, but it's just...weird. I don't know what to say to this guy. All we talk about is either:
a) how rich he is, no problem I'll pay for this, drink this soju, etc.
b) this food is good for your health
c) ___ is very very famous
d) you are very handsome
Dear Korea,
OK I fucking get it, I'm handsome.
I know this comes off as ungrateful, stuckup, or whatever you want to call it, but I hear this, quite literally, at least twice a day, and it's becoming a little annoying. And I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if it didn't seem like the sole basis of my relationship with this guy (not to sound gay or nothing). Seriously, this guy wines and dines me because...what? I'm white? American? New? Different? Handsome? He keeps saying I'm handsome.
He's being nice, and I would never say any of this to his face, or to anyone here really, but it irks me sometimes. Will this be the basis of all my relationships with Koreans here, my physical features? I guess now that I think about it, I don't know much Korean, so what other basis could there be?
I know I'm sounding like an asshole complaining about my looks but you get the point. To be honest it's not as big a deal as I'm making it out to be. I guess I just miss hanging out with people who hang out with me cause I'm me, not cause I'm a novelty. Then again I've only been here for a month and a half so maybe I'm just overanalyzing things. Wouldn't be the first time!
Time to sleep in an actual bed. It will be divine.
An-nyeong-hi-gye-se-yo for now.
It was a so-so weekend in a nutshell. The scenery was of course beautiful, lots and lots of green mountains, rice fields, rivers, temples...you can see it all in the pictures I uploaded. We stayed in my coworker's cabin next to the river. Pretty nice place, but extremely uncomfortable as there wasn't any bed. For the past three nights I've been sleeping on a hardwood floor with only some blankets and pillows. If it wasn't for the fact that my coworker likes to drink (and therefore I drink) I'd probably be even more sleep deprived.
I say the weekend was alright because, well, firstly, the sleep issue just put a damper on everything we did. I was tired the whole time because I could never get a full night's rest. That, and my coworker and his wife speak very little English, so half the time was spent trying to figure out what they were saying to me. It got frustrating after a while.
It was a nice gesture inviting me though. I got to see many historic and traditional things. I saw a really old village, apparently one of the oldest in Korea (because the Korean War never really reached so far south it remained intact). I saw some really old traditional schools. And I saw Cheonghak-dong (Azure Crane Village), which contains Samseong-gung (Three Sages Palace), a shrine dedicated to the myth of how Korea was created. This was all in Jirisan National Park.
My coworker is an interesting character; he insisted that I call him "hyung nim," which means "older brother." It's a bit weird, but I guess completely normal for Korea; friends call each other as if they were family. It's still a little off-putting though, because this guy barely knows me. He's taken me out once or twice for drinks, and I mean, it's nice and all, but it's just...weird. I don't know what to say to this guy. All we talk about is either:
a) how rich he is, no problem I'll pay for this, drink this soju, etc.
b) this food is good for your health
c) ___ is very very famous
d) you are very handsome
Dear Korea,
OK I fucking get it, I'm handsome.
I know this comes off as ungrateful, stuckup, or whatever you want to call it, but I hear this, quite literally, at least twice a day, and it's becoming a little annoying. And I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if it didn't seem like the sole basis of my relationship with this guy (not to sound gay or nothing). Seriously, this guy wines and dines me because...what? I'm white? American? New? Different? Handsome? He keeps saying I'm handsome.
He's being nice, and I would never say any of this to his face, or to anyone here really, but it irks me sometimes. Will this be the basis of all my relationships with Koreans here, my physical features? I guess now that I think about it, I don't know much Korean, so what other basis could there be?
I know I'm sounding like an asshole complaining about my looks but you get the point. To be honest it's not as big a deal as I'm making it out to be. I guess I just miss hanging out with people who hang out with me cause I'm me, not cause I'm a novelty. Then again I've only been here for a month and a half so maybe I'm just overanalyzing things. Wouldn't be the first time!
Time to sleep in an actual bed. It will be divine.
An-nyeong-hi-gye-se-yo for now.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Dance When Nobody Is Watching
Drum and bass ain't too popular. I was practically the only one there last Friday at the Vinyl Underground and, strangely, I was OK with it. It might have had to do with the fact that I was drunk, but I just didn't give a shit that nobody was there and proceeded to dance (retardedly) until the wee hours of the morning by myself.
I've come to the conclusion that I've become somewhat of a music whore/stickler. Nowadays I look for certain sounds and tune everything else out. The mainstream is boring and has been done before. I'll listen to it, and maybe I'll enjoy it nostalgically, but it doesn't give me the "shiver."
Do you know what I'm talking about? It's kind of like goosebumps hitting you throughout your body. The best song in the world comes on and your whole head flutters, inducing a tingle that shoots down your spine and spreads all over. It's hard to explain, but it's sort of like an adrenaline rush, if I were to compare it to something more common.
I sometimes try to take an outside view of my music, and occasionally I wonder, "holy shit what the fuck am I listening to." And then I get into an internal debate about what constitutes music, what constitutes good music, is the popular consensus on certain genres indicative of the genre's objective musical greatness...and by the time I'm done wrestling with the topic all I can come up with is: music is such a personal thing that trying to apply some sort of standard saying what makes "good" music is futile. Music is nothing more than sound patterns that the brain finds pleasing. The human brain is wired so differently from person to person that which patterns the brain finds pleasing is also different from person to person.
A bit of a sidetrack discussion, but it ties into my weekend. I actually felt pretty OK for my Korean class the following morning; regular naps does a body good. And do I dare say it? Learning Korean is turning out to be pretty fun. I get 1-on-1 teaching with a textbook and everything; not bad for a free class!
Saturday night I went to see a soccer game at Asiad Stadium. All-in-all the Korean teams here aren't too good but being in the cheering section was pretty fun. Pictures are up, just follow the link.
An-nyeong-hi-gye-se-yo for now.
I've come to the conclusion that I've become somewhat of a music whore/stickler. Nowadays I look for certain sounds and tune everything else out. The mainstream is boring and has been done before. I'll listen to it, and maybe I'll enjoy it nostalgically, but it doesn't give me the "shiver."
Do you know what I'm talking about? It's kind of like goosebumps hitting you throughout your body. The best song in the world comes on and your whole head flutters, inducing a tingle that shoots down your spine and spreads all over. It's hard to explain, but it's sort of like an adrenaline rush, if I were to compare it to something more common.
I sometimes try to take an outside view of my music, and occasionally I wonder, "holy shit what the fuck am I listening to." And then I get into an internal debate about what constitutes music, what constitutes good music, is the popular consensus on certain genres indicative of the genre's objective musical greatness...and by the time I'm done wrestling with the topic all I can come up with is: music is such a personal thing that trying to apply some sort of standard saying what makes "good" music is futile. Music is nothing more than sound patterns that the brain finds pleasing. The human brain is wired so differently from person to person that which patterns the brain finds pleasing is also different from person to person.
A bit of a sidetrack discussion, but it ties into my weekend. I actually felt pretty OK for my Korean class the following morning; regular naps does a body good. And do I dare say it? Learning Korean is turning out to be pretty fun. I get 1-on-1 teaching with a textbook and everything; not bad for a free class!
Saturday night I went to see a soccer game at Asiad Stadium. All-in-all the Korean teams here aren't too good but being in the cheering section was pretty fun. Pictures are up, just follow the link.
An-nyeong-hi-gye-se-yo for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)